This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
