the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
