Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
