Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
