in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
