i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
