Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
