Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
