he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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