so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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