My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
