two words...techno handjob
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
