I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
