Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
