it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
