arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
