so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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