How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
