I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
