somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
