when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
