I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
