umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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