i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
