Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
