i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
