Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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