You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
