Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
