I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
