thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
