I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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