Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
