She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize