Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
