Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
