wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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