Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
