We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
