Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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