I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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