We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
