So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
