she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
