she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
