lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
