I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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