I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
