Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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