Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
