I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize