A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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