I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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