After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
