you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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