Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
