I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
