It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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