Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
