3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
