you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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