I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
