Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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