Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
