Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
