So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
