Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
