My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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