if only i could text you this smell
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
