Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
