When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
