i just google imaged poop.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
