I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
