Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
